he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
