the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
