Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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