I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Every concussion has its silver lining
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
