My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
