Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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