god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
When are your genitals available?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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