Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
