so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You smell like stripper and shame
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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