Umm I'm too high to move.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize