he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
