i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
