The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
