Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
