The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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