So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
