I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
