Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i came on her dog
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
