i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
