those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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