i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
