I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???