I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
wanna go halves on a baby?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.