If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
