When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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