She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
