yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
