there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
