I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
