I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
