he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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