Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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