There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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