Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
