Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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