I just saw a hot homeless man
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
