you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
