My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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