my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We named our party play list daddy issues
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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