i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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