I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
