Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
