He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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