Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
