my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
