Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
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My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
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would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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