haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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