Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So squirting runs in the family.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
