Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
