Pappa wants mamma naked
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
