Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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