so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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