but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
