im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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