It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
