got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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