That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Let's get the cat blown out
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
