you have to choose: penises or morals?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
