i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
