In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
