Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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