Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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